"I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?"
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
These quotes have helped me a lot through this process. I really, really, REALLY like to understand and know things. If something has an explanation, I want to know it. So going through the many doctors appointments with no answer as to why Layla has this condition has been very hard. I have told God many times "if I just knew WHY You are allowing this, it would help." But would it? I still wouldn't like it, I still wouldn't want it. Pregnancy, whether it is with a healthy baby or with complications, is such a lesson in trusting God. You truly have no control over the situation. Trying to remember that as long as He is here, all will be well. All will be made right. Thank you Jesus for that.