Monday, March 5, 2012


On Friday we received our photos from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Valerie (the photographer) did such a beautiful job! Drew and I just cried as we looked through them. There is such a mixture of joy and sorrow in this-I miss her so much it hurts, but I am SO proud to be Layla's mommy and so thankful God blessed us with her. She is one of the greatest gifts He has given us. I heard this a while ago and I feel like it fits how I feel so well-my arms are empty but my heart is full. Can't wait to hold her again...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

God Moments

Have you ever had God speak to you in a way that you knew it was just for you? When you knew He was showing His love to you in a special way that would hold meaning to you? I hope so because it is wonderful. He did that for me this weekend. Friday night was not a great start to the weekend: we were having a great night at first, and then I got a call from the hospital Layla was delivered at. The nurse calling said "I am just calling to confirm your c-section for tomorrow morning". Huh? I completely forgot that we had scheduled that a while ago thinking that I would still be carrying Layla. I guess there was some kind of miscommunication at the hospital and it never got canceled. The nurse was very apologetic after I explained that my daughter was born 6 weeks ago. I hung up the phone and bawled. Then Sunday we went to church for the first time since Layla died. I was very, very anxious.  I cried through almost all of the worship songs. It was really good to be back, but emotional for both Drew and I. After church we went out to lunch with some friends; afterwards, as we were getting into our car, I happened to glance over at the cars parked next to us. Two spots away a car had been shoe polished over all its windows. Guess what the window facing me said?! "LAYLA LOVES YOU". I couldn't believe it!! I hardly ever see the name Layla, especially spelled with a Y. Of all the restaurants and all the parking spots, this is where we ended up. As cheesy as this may sound, I knew God meant for me to see that message that day. He knew it would touch my heart. I was so excited and showed Drew the message, which he thought was amazing too. I am SO thankful for a God that speaks to us in such tender ways-He knows when we need a little extra love and comfort and He is so extravagant in giving it. He is SO GOOD.

Monday, January 30, 2012


I have struggled with knowing what to write on here. To be honest I have had many moments where I didn't want to do much at all, much less write. All I know is, this is hard. SO HARD. It hurts everyday. We miss Layla, every day. Sometimes I am doing okay, and then I just burst into tears. It is a daily challenge. I have never felt sorrow like this, but I will share something else as well: I have never felt God's comfort and peace like I do through this. I have felt the truth of this verse: "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18. He is the ONLY one who can get us through this. I still don't understand why this happened, and I don't think I will until I get to Heaven. That is hard for me-it makes me frustrated and sad. I have been very angry with God. Something my Bible study leader said to me last week really helped: "Yell and scream at God, He can handle it. But don't walk away from Him." He can handle my pain. He is faithful, He is peace, He is love, He is good. He promises that we will see Layla again, and she is perfect, healed, and happy with Him. I pray that if you are going through a trial right now that you will cling to Him through it. Please pray for us as well as we struggle with giving all our hurts to Jesus and trusting Him. His promises are true. He hasn't abandoned you, He hasn't abandoned us. He is close.