On the 8th we had another appointment with Dr. Stanley. These appointments always stir mixed feelings from Drew and I-we love seeing baby grow, but it is also sad because we are reminded of baby's condition and our complete inability to do anything about it.
When we first started the ultrasound and we saw baby's profile it looked, for a few seconds, like his/her little head was perfect! Unfortunately we then saw what we have seen before, that the condition was the same. We always go in with hope, because we know that with a word the Lord could heal our child. So to be truthful it really sucks to see nothing changed. We also found out that baby does indeed have a heart abnormality. Dr. Stanley said that due to this, along with the encephalocele and acrania, we will probably have 1 day or less with our little one, though you never know. There were definitely some blessings in the appointment though-we found out the gender (will share after our reveal party with our family on the 18th), and got to see baby move around like crazy! He/she also had their hands behind their head, in a relaxing like pose, which is something that Drew does a lot when he sleeps (and something I never do). It was so sweet to see him/her acting like their daddy :)
With this post I really wanted to focus on something my friend Liz shared with me while we were talking about the latest ultrasound. We were talking about how it is hard sometimes when people say to Drew and I-"we are praying for complete healing for your baby". It is not that we don't appreciate that and believe me, we are praying for that as well, but all I can think of when people say that (and they don't say anything else) is "what if he/she isn't healed?" Liz reminded me of the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego that is in Daniel 3. In Babylon at that time the king set up a golden statue and required that all the people bow down and worship the idol. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, because of their faith in God, refused to bow down and worship anything or anyone other than the Lord. This made the king very angry and he told them that if they did not worship his gods or bow down to the golden idol that he would have them thrown into a fiery furnace. I love how they responded to the king: "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3:17-18)
"even if He does not"....
When Liz reminded me of this story, I was so touched I started tearing up. I feel like this is what the Lord is teaching us through this-that He is still God and still deserving of all our trust, love and devotion. Those men knew and believed that God could save them, but they also acknowledged that even if He did not decide to rescue them from the furnace, that they were still going to trust and follow Him.
"even if He does not"...heal our child, can I trust Him? Can I cling to the truth that in all things He works for the good of those who love Him? (Romans 8:28) My hope and prayer is that I can-that I can walk this road in faith and say "my God is good, and in Him I will put my hope" no matter what happens.
We are so thankful for the prayers for healing, and we ask that they continue because we know that our God can do anything, but please also pray for this journey, because I think that may be what this is all about. I do not want this post to make anyone feel bad or guilty, I just want to share what has been on both mine and Drew's hearts through this process and share what the Lord is teaching us in hopes that it might help someone else going through a terrible situation.